well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
