Your mouth is God's brothel.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
