sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
