id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
