I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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