tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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