i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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