oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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