I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
