i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
