did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
