I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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