I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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