she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
