she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
