i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
