hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
