he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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