Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
