Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
