So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
