we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
