You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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