Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
