I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
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Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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