look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
