Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
