I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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