I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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