this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
