he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I sprained my soul last night
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
