Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just want to make out with him forever
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
