Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
