I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just invented taco cereal.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
