I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
