ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
