Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
