You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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