i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
