i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
