you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
