If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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