You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
