what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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