So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
