Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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