I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What drink are we having for lunch?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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