Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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