I swear she didn't look like that last week.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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