It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
