Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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