I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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