Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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