theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
