Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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