I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
