If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
