A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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