I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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