i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
