did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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