I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
