Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
