do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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