Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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