im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
