Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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